If you caught some episodes of The Net on BBC 2 on Monday nights recently, you will have heard Rowland Morgan's musical slot. Following on from Internet Earnie, E-mail Flame and Digital Gnome, we now bring you #4 in the Internet Magazine exclusive CD-ROM series of Rowland Morgan's NETITATIONS.

Rowland Morgan's NETITATIONS are believed to be the first satirical songs about computing to be broadcast on BBC television. They started weekly transmission as part of The Net series on BBC2 on March 2nd, 1998.

"Humans are getting into bed with the computer," Rowland says, "and everyone knows, when adopting a ridiculous position, a sense of humour helps."

Contact Rowland by email (rrmorgan@netcomuk.co.uk) for information about availability of recordings to purchase.

You can listen to Free Net in RealAudio format (RealSystems software is on this CD).

Rowland Morgan's NETITATIONS...
Free Net Free Net is a Rolf Harris-type jingle addressed to school-children.

"I pity the poor lot who are going to have to prise the grip of big business off education in the years to come," says Rowland. "Who knows, maybe this ditty will be sung in the sewers during cyberworld war three."

Digital Gnome In Digital Gnome, Rowland assumes the identity of the world's first software plutocrat, using a Lou Reed-type backing.

"I think the master of the universe is going to get dismantled by the internet of the future, but right now he's trying to take it over and needs a pie more than anybody."

E-Mail Flame E-Mail Flame makes fun of on-line romance, using a Barrie White-type backing. "Everybody's had an internet romance in their circle by now. If the correspondents have code-names and are hetero, there has to be a moment when one aches to find out if the other has the right naughty bits. My song is about that pain."

Internet Earnie Internet Ernie was inspired by an Edwardian-era music hall classic, Burlington Bertie From Bow. "From there it morphed into Noel Coward material. He was supreme at presenting a song without singing it. That seemed ideal."

Backing on this track and the others was provided by Rick and Vyv at Berwick Street recording studio, Music To Picture. "Without them, these songs could never have happened, so they are to blame. Internet Ernie is a very dapper chap who loves surfing the globe but, being a penniless dreamer, dreads being grounded by credit-card encryption."

Telephone Help Telephone Help is a send-up of automatic voice response technology, which is sweeping through service industries. Its arrangement harks back to Sergeant Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band.

Rowland says: "Rick had the inspired idea of making the robot sound like one of those shouting radio commercials. Of course, they actually sound just the opposite, like models on Halcyon."

Primates & Climates Rowland puts joking aside with Primates & Climates, an almost sober statement about the Internet's potential to save the planet. Rowland delivers the TV song in aboriginal face-paint, with a musical arrangement suggesting the rain-forest.

"This is voice-of-nature stuff," he says. "Anyone old enough to remember the BBC radio classic Journey Into Space will remember Captain Jet Morgan's nemesis, the Voice of Hessikos. I think aliens hacked into my brain and I regurgitated that voice, or Rick at the recording studio works for them."

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